Complaining and Expectations

A wise friend once told me that along with almost every complaint, you’ll find an expectation. Our expectations are founded in our beliefs and they serve as standards for our behavior and how we attribute the behavior of others. Complaining makes the claim that our expectations have been violated, and by verbalizing our perceptions, we can somehow obtain a more desired outcome. The Bible in many places seems to contradict this notion in that it emphatically instructs us not to complain or grumble. 


Individual narcissism is more identifiable today than any other time in history. It is characterized by deep self-centeredness, a high craving for admiration and a grandiose view of oneself. Narcissistic people also possess unrealistic entitlements and demonstrate irrational expectations of others, while at the same time often refusing to adjust their own thoughts and behaviors for the sake of another person or the relationship. Sadly, almost everything about this personality type opposes the character of God, and His design for marriage.


Basic fundamentals are foundational to virtually everything in life. For example, complex computer systems operate using primarily 1’s and 0’s. Baseball is mainly pitching, hitting, and fielding, and even football can be understood using X’s and O’s. Even so, none of these examples reach maximum potential until every fundamental aspect is working together. God designed marriage no differently. Things like communication, sex, conflict management, finances, and Spirituality are each fundamental aspects of marriage, but any couple married for decades will tell you it’s only when they all work in unison that real joy and oneness can be experienced. 


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