My mother was one of 10 kids in her family. All totaled, she had six sisters and three brothers. When you throw in their spouses, 37 first cousins, grandparents, and an occasional friend of the family, I assure you we had some pretty crazy Christmas celebrations. There was no way all of these people would fit in my grandparent's two-bedroom farmhouse, so instead, we would rent the community center in the small Texas town close to where they lived. 

I remember these gatherings because all the women somehow knew what food item to bring so that nothing would be missing. Maybe more impressively, they would miraculously agree on how to set up everything. When it comes to men, I remember their main job was to follow the women’s instructions, especially staying out of their way when they did not have a specific task to do. Now, I know those guys possessed the ability to do things independently because when the women weren’t around, most of them seemed to have an opinion about how things should be done! All kidding aside, what I also remember is just how exhausted my Mom was at the end of the day.

While these memories are over 50 years old, not a lot has changed regarding the women’s role in celebrating Christmas with family and friends. Recent research shows that because women tend to take the lead in shopping, preparing meals, decorating the home, and managing gift-giving, they are more likely to experience holiday stress than men. The same research also shows how women feel they can relax 14% less than their spouses during the Christmas season. So, if this sounds a little familiar, here are a few suggestions for both women and men that might help avoid or at least reduce stress levels over these next few weeks.

Women:

1. Recruit help – When counseling couples after Christmas in years past, many women complain about having little or no help. Interestingly, most of them were reasonably unresponsive when asked how intentional they were at soliciting help from friends or other family members. Be willing to accept help from others, even when it might not exactly be what you expect or want it to be.

2.  Take care of you – Christmas should not be about extravagant decorations, making sure the family comes together in harmony, exchanging the right gifts with the right people, or making sure everyone has just what they want to eat. Christmas is about everyone celebrating the birth of Christ, our Savior. Make sure you are taking time to rest so you, too, can celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.

Men:

1. Proactively look for ways to assist – Sometimes, we men tend to think the kitchen is the women’s domain. And, in most situations we are correct. Even so, be intentional at finding ways to help out. For example, do not wait for the trash to overflow before taking it out. Ask how you can help, and remember your countenance when responding to what you're asked to do.
2. Realize you and your wife are different in many ways - Most likely, you are not as concerned about the dining room table centerpiece as is your wife. Or how less important it is to your wife that your view of the TV is partially blocked by Christmas decorations on the coffee table. Remember - You and your wife don't always share the same connection to how things are done for the holidays. However, you can make things so much more special for her by living with her in an understanding way, which will honor both God and her.