The Five Love Languages

 Written By: Dewey Wilson, Ph.D.


Do you know your love language? If married, do you know your spouse’s love language? Taking it one step further, if you have children, do you know their love language? Some of you are probably asking, “What the heck is a love language?” and others of you might be asking, “So, what’s the big deal about love languages any way”?

According to Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, his five love languages are (1) Quality Time, (2) Gifts, (3) Affirmation, (4) Physical touch and (5) Acts of service. Virtually every one of us possess at least one of these love languages. And, it is very common for people to possess at two, if not more. Therefore, when a husband or wife intentionally extends one or more of these toward each other, it says “I love you” like almost nothing else can do.

For example, my wife Lynne’s love languages are quality time and acts of service. However, just like there are major differences in our personality temperaments, we have differing love languages as well. My two love languages are affirmation and physical touch. When I intentionally unload the dishwasher without being asked, Lynne feels loved by me. When I schedule time for us to go on a walk or simply sit together on the couch while we watch a movie, what I really communicate to Lynne is, “I know you love this, and because I want you to know how special you are to me, I choose to honor you in this way.” What’s cool is when she expresses how proud she is of me or grabs my hand when we are walking, she communicates to me the same thing!

The importance of speaking each other’s love language in marriage is quite simple. When we take time to discover each other’s love language, then make intentional efforts to exercise them, our marriage is enriched and we grow together as husband and wife. I believe the opposite is true when we don’t. Romans 12:9 tells us to let love be without hypocrisy. We are to hate what is evil and to cling to what is good, to be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, giving honor and preference to one another.

Here’s something to think about . . . God’s counsel here in Romans instructs how we are to love our fellow man, regardless who they are. If so, then I believe God intends much more for husbands and wives to live out His counsel in marriage. Especially when one considers how God’s design for marriage is intended to represent the relationship between Jesus and the church.

So, now that you know about love languages and their importance to marriage, here’s some suggestions:

1. If you haven’t experienced the five love languages test, take time to take yours soon!?
2. Once you and your spouse have completed the testing process, be intentional to discuss your results with each other along with finding specific ways to exercise them in your relationship.?
3. If you have taken the test in the past, maybe it’s time to revisit your results. How well you are exercising them? What event/s led to you to stop blessing each other through your love languages.

We encourage you to visit our Strong Marriages Facebook page and let know about some of your most favorable love languages stories.

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